Christmas Challenge with the Gboys
by kidishcaresh
Summary: Exploding food, rooms and trees, a persistent Relena, pregnant women and an army of children. Add Murphy's law and sit back to watch the madness and disaster unfold. Rooftops-chan's challenge story!


**Author notes: This is a challenge my friend StandingOnTheRooftops gave me. Note the guys and their wives are all 30. So are Relena, Dorothy and Hilde. Zechs and the other adults are 42. Une is 48. Howard is in his late 70's. Due to a severe case of flu on my part I made neither of the deadlines I was given sadly. Well anywho; Roofie-chan? Does it count for the bonus if a person goes does the going boom involving Relena?**

**Challenge:** **1-6 ****A) Something goes 'boom'. You decide what. (Bonus for more than one thing going boom... bonus if Duo isn't involved in any of them. ^^)**

**3B) Duck-tape. It must be utilized. *grins***

**6C) Heero being roped into having to tell the bedtime stories to the kiddies.**

**5D) Wufei goes into a rant about the injustice of it all. What 'it all' is, I'll leave that to you.**

**0E) Duo + Christmas carols = utter disaster**

**4F) Fun with Christmas dinner. XD Fun with a capital F. (Bonus if Fei ends up with cranberry sauce in his hair, and Trowa's cleaning Turkey Stuffing out of his ears...)**

**2G) Uninvited Relena being told, in no uncertain terms, that she isn't welcome by the kiddies. (Bonus if it involves something going boom...)**

**1-6H) No Christmas tree can survive a 'Gundam Boys' family Christmas, of course.**

**Gundam pilots and wives is kids list:**

**Heero and Lara is Hiroto (9), Yuuki (3) and Junko (2)**

**Duo and Mariah is Solo (11) and Carry (4)**

**Trowa and Katie is Mimi and Damian (4) and Sara to be born in the story.**

**Quatre and Trinity is Hina, Lilly, Sora and Benjamin (12) and Derrick, Dmitri and Sasha (7) and Tim and Jim to be born in the story.**

**Wufei and Kim is Ping, Shu, Jiang, Meiran and Qiang (5) and Kiki and Yi to be born in the story.**

**Zech and Noin is Jeremy (6)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the kids. Kimi, Lara, Trinity, Katie and Maria belong to StandingOnTheRooftops and all you recognize belongs to sunrise and Bandai and the creator of the series.**

**Chapter 1,**

Quatre shook his head as Mariah led her husband into the kitchen and slapped a piece of frozen steak wrapped in a towel onto his face.

"Only you Duo Maxwell can turn caroling into a natural disaster." Mariah said shaking her head.

"Will daddy be okay?" asked little Carry of four years as he stared at her parents with big wide indigo eyes.

"Of course he will! Our dad's tons stronger then that guy." Solo of eleven years old said proudly.

"I don't even want to know how it happened…" Quatre sighed.

"Aww it wasn't even my fault! How wus I s'pose ta know that guy was Atheist? Ow Honey!" Duo whined just when his wife turned the meat and slapped it back onto his face.

Quatre was just about to pick up the phone and check where Trowa was with the turkey when Heero walked in looking a bit dusty and uhm…prickly while holding two bits of a light string in each hand.

"Uh…you might want to go help the girls clean up…Squirrel in the tree… killed the lights, broke some balls…tree's needleless now oh and Trinity killed the squirrel…seriously don't ask. If you need me I'm first going to change into none needle clothing and then find us a new tree….again…" Heero said shaking his head. Quatre winced.

"Dare I ask how bad the carnage is?" he asked.

"What to the tree?" Heero asked confusedly.

"Uhm no…I meant the… err dead squirrel… there are fifteen kids running through this house right now and only four are over ten. I'd like to avoid nightmares if it's possible." Quatre said shaking his head.

"Oh well Trinity chased it to the front door before she killed it…it's on the porch." Heero said shrugging and hurrying upstairs as he discovered that the needles had also gotten in a not so nice place.

"I better remove it from the porch before people fall over it." Quatre muttered getting ready to do just that when Wufei came in.

"Winner! Did you invite the owner of that pink horror on the driveway?" Wufei demanded loudly.

"I did no such thing. Just don't let her in the house. She'll get cold and leave. I'll inform Heero to take the back door when he goes for a new tree." Quatre sighed wincing as Relena could be heard shrieking from the front porch.

"I think she found the dead squirrel." Duo chuckled before wincing.

"You'd best go and talk to her love." Trinity said walking in with her crossbow slung over one shoulder and looking quite healthy and fit for someone who was due to give birth any second now. She sat down and began to prep a melon.

"I'd best…" Quatre muttered walking out of the kitchen quickly.

At the door five identical looking Chinese little kids and three not so identical looking Japanese ones were arguing about who got to open it.

"I'm the oldest!" Hiroto of nine years yelled glaring at the others with his deep blue eyes.

"I'm the smartest!" Ping of five said proudly as he glared back at Hiroto with his own onyx eyes.

"Well I'm the cutest." Shu said sticking out her tongue. Like her brother she too was five and had black hair and onyx eyes. Quite quickly her sister Shu and other brothers Qiang and Jiang all with identical black hair and brown eyes each joined the argument. Junko of two just watched them suckling on her little thumb. The argument got boring quickly for the barely toddler and she turned her attention to three year old Yuuki who had taken one look at his sibling and friends and left them to argue while he opened the door.

Outside Relena was just recovering from the shock of the dead squirrel in the drive way and waited for the arguing to stop and the door to open. She looked down in shock when the door opened for there stood a miniature Heero complete with little green tank-top, but sporting black dungarees instead. He gave her one look then as she was about to say something and step in he smacked the door into her face. Relena fell backward on her behind and held her now bleeding nose. It took her a few seconds to remember where she was as she didn't quite get what just happened. Inside she could hear voices.

"Yuuki, who was that at the door?" She heard Quatre ask though the name went lost on her.

"Ugly hooker lady." a childlike voice sounding like a younger version of Heero's, but hoarser sounding said calmly.

"I see. Well if she comes back just tell her we didn't order any and don't let her in okay?" Quatre answered.

"Kay." the mini Heero answered.

"Miss Relena? What are you doing on the ground?" Dorothy asked, kneeling by the fallen princess and handing her a tissue for her bleeding nose.

"Doow do nove." Relena gasped out while trying to stop her nose from bleeding. Dorothy tsk-ed softly then stared as Trowa drove up beside them and first hurried out the car and into the house with a big turkey before coming back out and helping his pregnant wife out of the car and into the house. Each time she saw the door open to reveal a miniature Heero and two miniature Quatres. Two seconds later a simply mortified Wufei came dashing out the door muttering about chocolate and pregnant women being a horror.

Meanwhile back in the kitchen Heero grabbed something to drink before heading out.

"I'll be back soon with a new tree." he said quietly. Kim had entered the kitchen and was munching on some melon while waiting for a new batch of chocolate that Wufei had gone off to get. Heero didn't envy his friend in the least. Lara's pregnancies; all three of them, had been a synch. She hadn't experienced any difficulties and her cravings were minimal as were her mood swings. However Kim's first pregnancy had been of a Quintuplet and as she had mood swings during her period already she'd been a very moody pregnant woman, not to mention that she at that time had craved Chinese food only. Kim had also had a lot of difficulties with the birth Heero remembered.

Heero found a nice tree and began chopping it down. Yes he remembered well how frantic Wufei had been when Kim had gotten a sudden bleeding in the final month of her pregnancy. The doctor claimed it was due to stress and she was admitted to the hospital. At that time they learned what caused the stress as apparently Relena came by on an almost daily basis to harass the pregnant girl about her relationship with Heero. Of course there was no relationship beyond them being close friends and working together on missions in the past, but Relena was convinced that it was Kim who tried to steal Heero from her. Heero chuckled at the memory of him and Lara shocking Relena when she came to the hospital to confront Kim again. A nurse had kindly alerted them she was coming. It'd been coincidence that Lara had a day off and came with Heero and so she on the spot decided to make out with Heero while Kim was asleep. Relena nearly had a heart-attack upon seeing the two all over one another on the free bed in Kim's room while said woman was fast asleep after the very intensive labor.

It didn't stop Relena of course, but at the time none of them or their friends could care. After all Heero and Lara had their own four year old son at the time, Quatre and Trinity had their seven year old Quadruplet and two year old triplet to worry about and Duo and Mariah had six year old Solo who was in the hospital for a tonsillectomy. Heero winced as he remembered the trouble he'd suffered with Yuuki not a year ago. His wife was full on pregnant and had to go with his son to the hospital in her stead. Yuuki remained hoarse long after his tonsillectomy. Heero had to fight like he was back in the war just to get his son looked at because their doctor said it was nothing. Later it turned out that Heero had punched the man's lights out for good reason; his colleague was quick to inform the young father that the man had made a grave mistake during the procedure and damaged the boy's vocal chords leaving the boy permanently hoarse sounding. The man on top of sporting a broken jaw was also expelled from ever practicing medicine again. Heero grinned at the memory of the guy's face when he decked him good on the jaw. The doctor had not been expecting that broken jaw to go with the blue eye the man sported already. Heero hoisted the tree on his shoulder and walked back to the house for take two of tree decorating.

Heero had just finished putting the tree in its place so he could start decorating it when a loud explosion rang through the house. He sighed as several voices chorused out Duo's name in various degrees of annoyance. The backdoor opened as Heero reached the kitchen on his way to the second floor where the noise had come from.

"What was that? I just stepped out to get more turkey stuffing ingredients for Trowa and I come back to a big boom." Duo said from behind a bag of groceries. Heero gulped and raced off to the stairs. When he reached the top floor he found two of the Quadruplets come wobbling out of the library.

"Told you, you added too much nitro…" Sora said glaring at Benjamin who stuck out his tongue. Quatre who also just made his way up the stairs grabbed both of them by the shirt and snatched up. He dragged the four kids kicking and screaming to their room and gave them a scolding. Heero watched this and thanked his lucky stars that Hiroto wasn't that wild and the other two were too young. He didn't envy Quatre in the least. A quick look into the library showed that the explosion though loud wasn't a very big one and there was no fire; despite how dust covered the two were.

Outside Relena and Dorothy looked at one another in shock. Dorothy wisely chose to leave before something else could go boom. Relena however was determined to be with 'her' Heero and once more rung the door bell. This time the door opened and showed 5 miniature Chinese kids; two of which were the spitting image of their father while the other three resembled their mother. Before the five stood not one, but two mini Heero lookalikes; one of which held a little girl with deep blue eyes, but hair of a lighter brown then the other two. Next to these three stood the two Quatre lookalikes which she now noticed were both girls. She now also noticed all of them held frighteningly real looking guns and sported matching grins.

"NO HOOKERS!" the smaller of the two mini Heero lookalikes yelled hoarsely. The others echoed his words.

"You have ten seconds to weave." The smallest girl with the deep blue eyes said.

"One." the two Quatre lookalike girls said.

"TEN!" the whole group called.

Relena let out a startled cry as the children opened fire on her. She cried out louder when cold wet paint hit her with deadly accuracy. Her entire very expensive Gucci original tailor made Christmas dress was dotted with a rainbow of different colored paint splatters and the kids laughed loudly. Their laughter drew ten very concerned parents and the remaining nine kids also to the front door. Once there they all laughed as Relena cried out in anger. She caught sight of Kim who leaned heavily against the wall while alternating between wincing and chuckling. Relena's irrational mind supplied that it was all the fault of that dark haired bitch that wanted to steal 'her' Heero and all went red before her eyes. Quatre's quick reflexes however had Relena back outside on her backside with a black eye to go with her still bleeding nose and colorful getup.

"How dare you! You horrendous, scandalous, brain dead, cold hearted, stupid, fake blonde, silicone filled twit!" Wufei cried angrily as he pushed past the already angry blond CEO and advanced the insufferable pink clad girl. Heero wisely nudged Duo and the two quickly ushered the kids inside where they wouldn't hear the ranting angry Chinese man. It probably wasn't a good idea for their children and the others' children to hear Wufei's rants on the injustice of it all. He didn't often have explode like this as it took quite a lot to anger the Chinese young man nowadays, but once one got him angry Wufei could do more damage with a single rant then Heero could with a backpack full of C4 explosives and detonators.

"You late fathers both would roll over in their graves if they saw you now! Not only are you so insufferably and intolerably stupid! You're also inconsiderably rude and jealous! Does he have to get you sued for every penny you own? Do we have to hammer the point home with the world's biggest hammer? Tell me what does it take to get it through your incompetent brain that Heero Yuy is married and has kids and DOES NOT WANT YOU! Take your damn pink limousine and find a shrink to examine your head woman and leave us all the hell alone! You come near MY wife or my best friend ever again and so help me I will commit a great crime! My ancestors will curse me for it, but I will gladly suffer their displeasure! I'm fed up with you! You are without a doubt the most unjust and intolerable woman ever to walk this planet! So take that monster you call a vehicle and leave!" Wufei howled. The other nine adults stared at him with great apprehension as he turned on his heel having said what he had to say and returned to Kim's side.

Relena sat on the ground and stared at the door as it closed. She'd been told off and shot at by children. Combined with Wufei's harsh words and Quatre's fist to her face it was too much for the poor girl and she quickly picked herself up and with what little remained of her dignity left the Winner residence.

"What smells like burning?" Duo asked once the door had closed and they all moved to the living room.

"Papa the tree's burning. Is now a good time to use that red thing?" Yuuki asked walking out of the living room.

"YES!" ten voices cried to the boy.

"Hiroto! They say it's okay to use it!" Yuuki called; shortly thereafter the sound of the fire extinguisher filled the house.

"Daddy, the oven is making scary sounds like it did back home." Mimi and Damian said at the same time as they walked in from the kitchen. Trowa paled and dashed into the kitchen. Seconds later a soft boom was heard followed by Trowa's soft cursing.

"Dear you and the girls help Kim to her room. Heero you and Duo go see if the tree survived and Wufei and I will help Trowa." Quatre sighed. This Christmas was turning out rather explosive and pretty much a disaster.

"Tree died…again…I'm beginning to think I should give up on it…that's the fifth one to go down today…How's dinner surviving and do you have a spare change for me? This was the last of my clean clothes…and considering we're here for a weekend and I came prepared for this…" Heero said walking into the kitchen and straight to the sink to clean his hands and arms and face. His clothes no longer salvageable from removing the once more dead tree were a testament of how bad things were in the living-room if Quatre ever saw one.

"Don't ask." Wufei muttered cleaning cranberry sauce off the front of his until then clean white shirt.

"Don't bother Wufei. It won't ever get clean again. That stuff's worse than cherry sauce." Trowa muttered as he stood beside the Chinese youth and removed stuffing from his ears. Heero looked around and winced.

"How about you order out?" he suggested dryly. Quatre was about to reply when Mariah came into the kitchen.

"Whatever it is you're doing drop it now. Kim, Trinity and Katie all went into labor two minutes ago. I suspect Kim's been holding out on us because she's going to give birth like now." Mariah said as she ran to the sink and searched for a basin in the cupboard under it.

"What do you mean? Surely she'll have an hour or some to go with contractions and all." Wufei asked paling considerably.

"She's having the twins now Wufei. I checked and I could see the head of the first one already. Kim must've been having contractions since this morning. Now get a move on and call the hospital. Barton boil water, Winner get me towels and lots of them and spare baby clothes, Yuy come and assist me. There's no way the doctor will be here before Kim has the twins so I'll need your help to deliver them." Mariah said calmly.

Seven hours later found most of the kids gathered around the remnants of the Christmas tree with a takeout box on their lap listening closely as Heero told them bedtime stories. He'd been roped into it by Mariah who claimed that she and Lara were too busy tending to the three girls who'd recently given birth and Wufei and Trowa had to clean the kitchen while Quatre and Duo cleaned up the upper floor which the kids had made a mess of.

Initially Quatre had gone up alone, but quite quickly he'd come back down to enlist Duo's help in freeing Lady Une, Zechs and Noin whom were ducktaped to the bed, a chair and surprisingly the ceiling and guarded by Zech's son Jeremy who sported a towel for a cape and a bucket for helmet and claimed that he was the black knight guarding the evil queen and her monsters who'd been captured by the dragon warriors. It took Quatre some time and chocolate to bribe Jeremy into letting Duo and he free 'the queen and her monsters' who were very glad to be free. Marimeia later emerged from the library where she'd been apparently absorbed in a book on history and had missed the whole wild adventure taking place around her. After being freed the Lady, Zechs and Noin gladly accepted a bottle of water and a box of takeout and the offer to stay the night while they were brought up to speed on things.

"Did Duo…" Zechs asked staring at the ruined kitchen as he made his way to the living room.

"We had some err…explosions, but Duo wasn't involved in any of them…for once." Quatre murmured.

"I see, next time we're dealing with another take over the world team we should send your kids in. They'd have them surrendering faster than you five would." Une joked.

"Please don't, I fear the promise of being allowed to make things go boom will make them join rather than stop above mentioned team." Quatre said shaking his head.

"So Kim and Trinity had their twins and Katie her daughter all at the same time?" Noin asked once she was done wolfing down the food and her bottle of water which she'd needed after having spend the day tied with ducktape to a bed.

"Yes, though you really missed out on Relena's humiliation there. You shoulda seen her good Gucci dress after the kids were done with her." Duo said nodding.

"Just send us copies of the pictures I know you took Duo." Zechs said shaking his head. At first he'd reprimanded the five boys on their behavior toward his sister, but after the mishap at the hospital and Kim almost losing her quintuplet because of his sister; Zechs quickly found himself on the boys' side and began to see how utterly disturbing his sister really was and also how much 'innocent' fun the boys made to get rid of her. Seemed like the kids were a chip of the old block as the saying went; speaking of…

"Maxwell…where are the kids?" Zechs asked worriedly.

"Don't worry, Yuy's put them to bed. We're safe from disaster…for now." Wufei sighed tiredly as he entered the living room and picked up an untouched box of take out.

Quatre watched as all the kids slept together in the big attic they'd especially filled with mattresses, blankets and pillows for the kids. In the middle of all those little ones lay Heero fast asleep in one of Quatre's pale pink pajamas. He smiled and pulled out a camera. He decided that Duo had to be rubbing off on him, but this was too good an opportunity to let it go by without doing anything.

Years later they'd all look back on their first Christmas with a house full of kids and laugh at all that had happened. For now though they were all glad it was over.

**Hope you enjoyed it!**


End file.
